8 SIGNS YOU'RE IN LUST AND NOT IN LOVE

1. There’s more fire and less stability

Love — real love — is about commitment and communication. These two important components lead to stability within a relationship. Of course, fire can be part of the equation, but when there’s lots of drama, chaos and more emotional gut blows than butterflies, you’re looking at a lustful situation.

2. You focus more on the outside than inside

I could stare at C for hours. I was so enamored with his beauty. To me, he was gorgeous from head to toe without a single flaw to be found. I was obsessed with his beauty, and relished in the fact that I got to be seen in public with him and got to “tap that” at the end of the night.

3. You prefer the fantasy

From the beginning, I knew C and I didn’t have a future. We were far too similar to have been able to conduct a grown-up relationship, and he was never going to want me the way I wanted him. With him, I acted younger than I was for far longer than I should have — the drinking, acting out, immaturity and irresponsibility were quadrupled when we were together. I didn’t want a “grown-up” life with him; I loved the days on end of debauchery that allowed me to escape from reality.

4. Why aren’t we having sex right now?

Although I loved talking to C, because we did have so much in common, whenever we were together just hanging around or watching a movie, I’d always catch myself wondering, “Why aren't we having sex right now?” I’m serious. I couldn’t give a damn about the ending to whatever movie was on, if it meant we were having sex instead.

5. You’re not friends

C and I were not friends. For a long time we called each other “best friends,” but the truth was I was in lust, and he was just waiting for something else, something, to use his words, better. Despite knowing that, the lust kept me coming back for more.

6. Intimacy doesn’t exist

Although cuddling can be really satisfying and comforting when you're in love, when you’re in lust a body against you just feels like dead weight. You’re also likely to ask yourself again, “Why aren’t we having sex right now?”

7. You experience intense neediness

If I didn’t get the attention I needed from C on a daily basis, I felt like my world was falling apart. Was he texting with someone else instead? Was he not home, as he said, but out with someone else? Having sex with someone else? Why isn’t he answering my calls? It was exhausting, to say the least.

8. The feeling is conditional

Anyone who’s been in love can attest to the fact that love is unconditional. Lust, however, is not. Lust is steeped in gratification without concern to anything else. I could easily sleep with someone other than C and not feel a twinge of regret, but if I were to do the same to the man I love, I’d never forgive myself. Lust has blurred boundaries as to what’s right; love kicks those blurred lines into place.

Photo Credit: www.photobucket.com
Source : Bustle

Am I In Love? The Difference Between Love, Lust & Infatuation

Not sure if you're in love? Answer these questions to know for sure.

In real life, here is the more common scenario: Guy meets girl, guy has fun with girl but wants to date others, girl just wants to date guy and tries to keep his attention, and girl may stay too long with a guy who isn't right for her. Or if guy decides that he wants girl, fears and insecurities that surface from both individuals means that things aren't the happily ever after portrayed in fairytales and movies. Placing unrealistic expectations from fairytales and movies onto your own love life when reality is different makes it hard to know if you're in love. If you believe happily-ever-after means everything always flows wonderfully, and when your own relationship ebbs and flows, you may not realize you are actually in love with a wonderful guy. Additionally, having strong feelings for someone can make you think you're in love when you're actually in lust or infatuated. Here's the important distinction between lust and infatuation: 

Lust is a physical emotion and reaction to someone else's physical appearance. It's when you're sexually attracted to a guy and want him only for sex. Lust tends to be short-lived and is more about immediate gratification. If it's just lust, you will have sex in the heat of the moment and only feel physically fulfilled.

Infatuation is an intense feeling. It happens when you are attracted to a guy's appearance or attracted to him sexually. Infatuation happens early on and tends to become obsessive. When you're infatuated, you see him through rose-colored glasses based on who you imagine him to be. You have put him on a pedestal and don't acknowledge him for who he really is — good or bad. You may behave irrationally, become caught up in your feelings of what you think love is and aren't living in reality.

The intensity of feelings that come with lusting after someone or being infatuated may cause you to think you're in love. When the guy you're lusting after or are infatuated with doesn't feel the same way, disappointment and heartache ensue. As a result, these lustful and infatuation experiences that don't work out, will cause you to believe, "Love is hard, painful and uncertain." The reality is love isn't any of these things. If you're experiencing love to be hard, painful and uncertain, and asking, "Am I in love?", you are not in love. 

Lust and infatuation are usually fleeting and short-lived and don't tend to turn into love. When you are in love, you will have intense feelings for a guy, and be attracted and connected to him on the level of mind, body and soul. Here is my perception and experience of love.

Love is a feeling. Feelings are the most common way that people learn about and experience love. When it is truly love, you will feel good about yourself when you're with and without him. As a result, you will also feel good about him. Since you're only human, sometimes you may not feel so good about yourself or him. This doesn't mean it's not love. It just means that things are ebbing, and change and growth are taking place.  

Love is an inside job. We tend to look for love from someone else, not realizing that love is actually within. Love is about loving yourself first so that you are whole and not looking for someone else to complete you. The quality of your love life is a direct reflection on how much (or little) you care for and love yourself. The more you love yourself, the more you attract a guy who will love you just as much.

Love is a way of being. Love is experienced in the present moment.  When you are present, negative thoughts and feelings fall away, making space for gratitude, kindness and loving energy. Being present with your partner lets you see him through fresh eyes and keeps you in love. Being present helps you express yourself more openly, building a deeper connection.

Love is a choice. It's easy to choose love when things are going really well. And when insecurities and fears come up, choosing love is where your greatest growth happens. Love is choosing we over me, unless you're in an abusive relationship. It's being considerate of your partner and making choices for the greater good of your relationship.

Love is built on a strong foundation. Building a strong foundation of love happens by being the best version of you, taking the time to learn about each other, appreciating and accepting each other's qualities, quirks and differences, being there through thick and thin, resolving differences in a respectful manner and letting him be who he is without trying to change him.

20 Questions to Know if You're in Love
Your answers to these questions will reveal if you're in love. Answer "true" or "false" with the first response that comes up. If you're thinking about or rationalizing your answers too much, stop answering these questions. Instead, take some deep breaths and relax.  Then respond from a place of inner calm.

1. I am attracted and connected to my partner physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
2. The thought of my partner makes me happy.
3. I feel happy about myself when I'm with my partner and without him.
4. I am free to be my true self in my relationship.
5. I like who I am in my relationship.
6. I love myself just as much as I love my partner.
7. I feel good about who my partner is. 
8. If my partner were to lose his material possessions, I would still love him and be with him.
9. I appreciate my partner and his quirks.
10. I'm happy for my partner when good things come his way.
11. When difficulties come up for my partner, I'm here to support him.
12. I feel good about the way my partner and I interact and resolve issues.
13. I choose in favor of our relationship; my decisions are for the greater good of our relationship.
14. When I have good or bad news, or a challenging situation, my partner is one of the first people I call.  
15. When we have issues, my initial response is to resolve them, not leave him.
16. When our relationship isn't flowing as smoothly as I'd like, I'm able to be with what is and trust that things are and will be fine.
17. I feel content and fulfilled in my relationship.
18. I know my partner feels the same way about me as I do him (i.e. we both like and love each other).
19. There's no one else I'd rather be with, than my partner.
20. I mostly approach our relationship from a place of love. 

You are mostly likely in love if the majority of your answers are "true". If most of your answers are "false", you are not in love. You are approaching love from fear and under the belief that love is hard. The bottom line is: if you're in love with the right guy, love won't be or feel so hard. You will feel uplifted and loved for your true self. You will know how he feels about you. Your relationship will flow with more ease and when difficulties arise, they will be resolved respectfully.

What did you discover about yourself after reading this article and answering these questions? Please share your comments and thoughts.  

Photo Credit: photobucket.com
Source:Your Tango

LOVE IS GOD

What is love?

By Kathy Howard

What is love? If you believe the movies, it’s defined by two beautiful celebrities locked in a passionate embrace. Our culture equates “love” with sexual attraction.
But that’s not real love. That’s just physical desire. And it’s fleeting at best. Like chocolate on a hot day, it doesn’t last long.
Why do we love? If you follow the example of our culture, we “love” to benefit self. We love those who deserve it or those who can help us in some way.
But that’s not real love. That’s simply shallow selfishness.
Our culture – and even ourselves – cannot teach us about real love. Only God can.

Real Love Defined

But God’s Word has the answers. The Bible defines love. The Bible tells us how to love, who to love, and why to love.

Real love is divine love. God calls us to love one another like He loves us (John 13:34-35). The Greek word translated as “love” is agape. It is love of volition, not emotion. We can choose to act in love toward another. Agape is also based on the character of the one acting in love and not the worth of the recipient. God loves us because of His perfect, holy nature, not because we deserve His love.

God loves us because of who He is not because of who we are. He loves because it is His holy nature to do so. That’s why God’s love is completely unconditional. It is based on His perfect self.

God’s love should be our example. Not our culture.
We love others because God loved us first. Even when we didn’t deserve it.

How to Love

This is a tall order. Jesus said we are to love each other like He loves us. Jesus gave His life for us. He put our needs ahead of His own and trusted the Father with the outcome. (See John 15:9-14)

Who to Love

Jesus told us to love three groups of people. First, we are to love our fellow believers (John 15:12). Second, we are to love “our neighbors” (Matthew 19:19). Third, we are to “our enemies” (Matthew5:43-44).
Huh. That sounds like pretty much everybody to me.

Why we love

“We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). We are to love others because God loves us. He made us in His image. He calls us to reveal the love of Christ to the world. He is a God of love and we are to be people of love.
Love others like God loved us. Big assignment. But we also have a big, loving God.
“God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.” (1 John 4:16b)
Love. God is our reason, our example, and our enabler.

What do you find the hardest about loving others as God loves you?

www.kathyhoward.org

LOVE HYMNS

 

 

 

 

 

James M. Black, 1893

"When The Roll Is Called Up Yonder"

When the trumpet of the Lord shall sound and time shall be no more
And the morning breaks eternal bright and fair
When the saved word shall gather over on the other shore
And the roll is called up yonder I'll be there
When the roll is called up yonder
When the roll is called up yonder
When the roll is called up yonder
when the roll is called up yonder I'll be there
On that bright and cloudless morning
when the dead in Christ shall rise
And the glory of his resurrection share
When His chosen ones shall gather
to their home beyond the skies
And the roll is called up yonder I'll be there
When the roll is called up yonder
When the roll is called up yonder
When the roll is called up yonder
when the roll is called up yonder I'll be there
When the roll is called up yonder
When the roll is called up yonder
When the roll is called up yonder
when the roll is called up yonder I'll be there

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 Words: James Rowe,1912.
Music: Howard E. Smith (MIDI, score)
.
Rowe and Smith wrote this song in Saug­a­tuck, Con­nec­ti­cut. Ac­cord­ing to Rowe’s daugh­ter:

How­ard E. Smith was a lit­tle man whose hands were so knot­ted with arth­ri­tis that you would won­der how he could use them at all, much less play the pi­a­no…I can see them now, my fa­ther strid­ing up and down hum­ming a bar or two and How­ard E. play­ing it and jot­ting it down.

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LOVE LIFTED ME

1. I was sinking deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore,   Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more,
   But the Master of the sea, heard my despairing cry,
   From the waters lifted me, now safe am I.

Refrain

Love lifted me! Love lifted me!
When nothing else could help
Love lifted me!

2. All my heart to Him I give, ever to Him I’ll cling
   In His blessèd presence live, ever His praises sing,
   Love so mighty and so true, merits my soul’s best songs,
   Faithful, loving service too, to Him belongs.

Refrain 

3. Souls in danger look above, Jesus completely saves,
   He will lift you by His love, out of the angry waves.
   He’s the Master of the sea, billows His will obey,
  He your Savior wants to be, be saved today.

 Refrain

 

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Oh, How I Love Jesus

Frederick Whitfield, 1855

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1. There is a Name I love to hear,
   I love to sing its worth;
   It sounds like music in my ear,
   The sweetest Name on earth.
   • Refrain:
     Oh, how I love Jesus,
     Oh, how I love Jesus,
     Oh, how I love Jesus,
     Because He first loved me!
2. It tells me of a Savior’s love,
   Who died to set me free;
   It tells me of His precious blood,
   The sinner’s perfect plea.
3. It tells me of a Father’s smile
   Beaming upon His child;
   It cheers me through this little while,
   Through desert, waste, and wild.
4. It tells me what my Father hath
   In store for every day,
   And though I tread a darksome path,
   Yields sunshine all the way.
5. It tells of One whose loving heart
   Can feel my deepest woe;
   Who in each sorrow bears a part
   That none can bear below.
6. It bids my trembling heart rejoice;
   It dries each rising tear;
   It tells me, in a “still small voice,”
   To trust and never fear.
7. Jesus, the Name I love so well,
   The Name I love to hear:
   No saint on earth its worth can tell,
   No heart conceive how dear.
8. This Name shall shed its fragrance still
   Along this thorny road,
   Shall sweetly smooth the rugged hill
   That leads me up to God.
9. And there with all the blood-bought throng,
   From sin and sorrow free,
   I’ll sing the new eternal song
   Of Jesus’ love for me.

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 Words & Music: John M. Driver, 1892 (MIDI, score).

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WONDERFUL STORY OF LOVE

1. Wonderful story of love;
   Tell it to me again;
   Wonderful story of love;
   Wake the immortal strain!
   Angels with rapture announce it,
   Shepherds with wonder receive it;
   Sinner, O won’t you believe it?

Refrain

Wonderful story of love,
Wonderful! Wonderful!
Wonderful, wonderful story of love.

2. Wonderful story of love;
   Though you are far away;
   Wonderful story of love;
   Still He doth call today;
   Calling from Calvary’s mountain,
   Down from the crystal bright fountain,
   E’en from the dawn of creation,

Refrain

3. Wonderful story of love;
   Jesus provides a rest;
   Wonderful story of love;
   For all the pure and blest,
   Rest in those mansions above us,
  With those who’ve gone on before us,
   Singing the rapturous chorus,

Refrain

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